She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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