Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
