Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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