You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
