During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
