Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
