i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
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I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
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holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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