sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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