He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
