Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
