I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
