just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
