i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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