Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
