wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
