porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
