On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you will always have a special place in my vag
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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