I am midnight drunk by noon
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
