TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
