if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize