I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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