No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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