I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
