well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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