It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
