got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
