Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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