Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
