Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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