i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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