Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
