you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
