I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
