I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
