I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm eating all of the evidence.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
