Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
