I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
