i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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