it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
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