I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
