apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
