We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
This baby is an asshole
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Two words: blizzard sex
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
