my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
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