it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting