i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now