Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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