Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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