i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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