SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
