Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
