Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
