Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize