it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
