John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
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You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
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I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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