Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
