just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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