does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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