she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
