we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
