I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
