You smell like a Billy Joel song
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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