dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
