Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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